DBot here, donning my best Cupid robe and fluttering my eyelids in your general direction. Why am I in your inbox, bowstring drawn and ready to let fly amorous arrows at your heart, you ask? Because I’m here to announce Demisto Dating for Security Analysts, of course.
Rummaging through pcaps is well and good, but what we’re all really searching for in this lifetime is love. The colleague sitting to your right, your ill-tempered neighbor who occasionally nicks your Amazon packages, and the Nigerian price who corresponds with you in the hunt for credit card details: the common line drawn through all of them is the need to find that Significant Other. I’m also on this journey with you.
With Demisto Dating, busy security analysts can now match with the person of their dreams at playbook-speed. And since you already use Demisto, how else are you going to spend all that time you've saved if not scouring the lands for love?
As a friend of Demisto, you’ve been granted exclusive early access to Demisto Dating. Just follow these four easy steps:
- Send an email to email@example.com to confirm your interest in using our service.
- Fill out a simple questionnaire that will be emailed to you (this might take a minute or two).
- Wait for our proprietary ML (Machine Loving™) algorithm to find your ideal match, the results of which will also be emailed to you.
- (Optional) Start looking for free dates at your local marriage courthouse.
It Really Works
We’ve already piloted Demisto Dating with a few high-profile early adopters, and the feedback couldn’t be more encouraging.
“Before Demisto Dating, I was buying blow-up dolls off the internet and flirting unsuccessfully with telemarketing robocalls. Now, my partner and I own a farm, rearing pedigree guinea pigs in rural New Zealand. Thanks, Demisto Dating!” – anonymous security analyst.
“Demisto Dating is the one-stop playbook for your love life. Hey, if you’re using that in any marketing material, I want royalties.” – anonymous SOC manager.
“Demisto date. Or date not. There is no try.” – Yoda.
That’s all I have for you, my friends. I hope you enjoy Demisto Dating! Remember, just send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org and we'll do the rest.
Now if you’ll excuse me, this Cupid robe is sticking up places it isn’t supposed to.